Reversing their earlier decision to keep the unburied corpse of Novak on the air, CNN executives have announced that the zombie propagandist's decaying flesh will be "temporarily" entombed in a lead-lined refrigerated crypt at the Hanford Nuclear Energy Reservation in Washington State.

Network executives acted Thursday after Novak's body staggered to its feet in the middle of a joint interview with the mummified remains of James Carville, and vomited a noxious heap of its own decomposed organs directly into the lap of CNN host Ed Henry. The reanimated corpse then lurched off the set, leaving a trail of wriggling maggots and liquified fecal matter behind it.

"It was just the usual stuff," said one CNN producer present in the studio at the time. "Henry's had all his shots, and the steam hoses were ready. But when the suits found out that Novak said 'bullshit' on camera, they totally lost it. The promotional contract specifically required him to call it 'high-grade organic fertilizer from a naturally abundant bovine source.' The ad department was furious."

Billmon

Novak woke up one morning, stretched, guzzled the blood of some innocents, scratched, got a cackling call from fellow-Sith Lord Karl Rove, transcribed the story, ignored CIA warnings to do no such thing, ate a sensible dinner, put on his jammies, and went to bed. All in a day's work. Then, a few weeks later, there's a heavy knock on the castle door, and Igor limps in talking about some prosecutor and subpoena papers. Now, suddenly, Novak's the story. All the world's political thinkers are poring over his utterances, waiting watching finding slip-ups and inconsistencies, malapropisms and missteps. Novak reports this sort of news, he doesn't make it. So when Carville goes at him, it's just the last straw.

Ezra

One of the things the General learned while working as a beertender was how to spot someone who's approaching their limit of 3.2 beer. It's an important skill to have in a small Utah town, because taverns rank somewhere between brothels and coffeehouses as the fastest routes to Hell in the minds of the local populace. The Beehive State's dramshop laws are among the toughest in the country. Woe be unto any rural beertender who allows a customer's blood alcohol content to reach 0.08%.

Mr. Novak looked liked he had reached that point long before he walked off CNN's Inside Politics, yesterday. All the signs are captured in this video. Watch it, and see for yourself. He's slurring his speech, stuttering, and moving his head in the same manner I've seen hundreds of drunks move theirs right before they announce that they could kill me with their bare hands (you'd be surprised how often small town Utah beertenders hear that).

Jesus General

In the meantime, Paul has taken over at Wizbang, to try and explain the whole Who's Who thing... He is not doing much better than Kevin did, but it must be reassuring for Kevin to have one of the Most Respected Voices in the Rightsphere backing his argument... Things that make me shake my nappy Cotton Pickin' Head.

Update: Looks like Lord Pablo of the Sith has deleted my trackback to his Wizbang Post. Oh I am so hurt. Eh, there is a little thing called Technorati Paul, and believe it or not, it gets more exposure than Wizbang, so not to worry, people will still read the post. Revisionist History does not work nearly as well as it used to.

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.grupo-utopia.com/blog/mt/mt-tb.cgi/658