In Search Of Utopia: Abortion: No regrets

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August 11, 2005

Abortion: No regrets

A few weeks ago I read a piece at Sheelzebub's other blog that I've churned over and over in my mind ever since.

An excerpt:

I'm not one of those people who decry abortion as a necessary evil. I'm not one of those self-righteous misogynists who would pass judgement on pro-choicers, pregnant women, or women who chose to abort. I don't hate abortion.
I think it's wonderful.

I think it's wonderful because it frees women from unwanted pregnancies, it keeps women from enduring the risks and complications that can arise from pregnancy, and it gives them say over when they will have children. If ever.

So I will not give the whinging line, "Oh, abortion is horrible, but I guess I'll have to allow it." Because the woman sitting across from me could have had one. Or my mother could have had one. Or an aunt. Or my friend. They could have had one, and not been sorry for their decision. They could have had one and known full well that their lives were better for it. Telling them what they did was horrible but permissible, an evil albeit a lesser one, tells them that their lives are worthless. The better life they have is based on a sin and evil and that they are unworthy.

When I was 19 years old I had an abortion.

I've never regretted my decision to do it. I was halfway through my sophomore year in college. My boyfriend had recently become my ex boyfriend because I'd caught him cheating with another girl. I was emotionally, spiritually and financially unprepared for pregnancy and subsequent motherhood.

As one of their excuses for banning abortion, the anti-choice set has insisted that abortion lays too heavy a burden of guilt on the woman. They say that many women wear this guilt like a millstone and we have to protect young women from this unbearable weight.

I've never experienced that guilt. Not once.

I have however thought perhaps that something was out of whack in my own psyche for not toting that burden around. Why do all these women feel so bad for what they've done and I don't? What's wrong with me? Am I so evil and unfeeling because I don't have regrets for not bringing an unwanted child into the world?

As it turns out..guilt is what you make it. Or what is thrust upon you, in my case.

Instead of lugging abortion guilt..I lugged "lack-of-abortion-guilt" guilt.

Sheelzebub doesn't know this because I didn't tell her, but her piece helped to lift that from me. It helped me to realize that my lack of bad feelings from my abortion isn't some sort of oddity that I have to hide under a bushel so as not to be considered as some unfeeling freakish woman.

I waited to have children until I felt the time was right. I didn't place an unwanted infant into society. I took responsibility for myself and my actions by ending an unwanted pregnancy.

I have no regrets about those decisions because they were the right decisions for me.

I'm a better parent and a better person for having made them, too.

(Crossed at Preemptive Karma)

Posted by Carla at August 11, 2005 02:09 PM
Filed Under | 534 Words

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Comments

I took responsibility for myself and my actions by ending an unwanted pregnancy.
You would have been responsible had you taken steps BEFORE you got pregnant. Don't you realize how many of us walking around may have been unwanted or unplanned, but that doesn't make us any less valueable. Abortion doesn't make you a non mother. Abortion makes you a mother of a dead baby. period

why should someone have to die because of someone elses irresponsibility and selfishness? Predicting the aweful life someone "may" have due to their parents immaturity and lack of consideration to this life is dumb. You don't know HOW someones life will turn out...unless you decide to kill it,then you know.

Each of us was in a womb at some time

Wouldn't you have wanted someone to speak up for YOU if it was YOU your mother was considering aborting?

Posted by: Laure at January 21, 2006 09:08 AM

I am currently a freshman in college. This past year I had missed my period and was on a pregnancy scare. I was like many young girls irresponsible and put myself at risk for pregnancy big time. I found out much later that I wasn't pregnant but I was sure scared about it. Many thoughts went through my head as to what I was going to do. I didn't have money, my boyfriend didn't have a job or money, my adoptive family is hardcore Catholic, I'm very much not and, they didn't know I was having sex to begin with, I was just beginnning college (a huge part of achieving my goals in life), etc. I was emotionally, spiritually and financially unprepared for pregnancy and subsequent motherhood. Personally I didn't evenwat kids ever. My thoughts traced back to will I have this baby? My conscience's answer? ABSOLUTELY. I was willing to feel the pain, feel the shame that my family and society was ready to dish out, ready to scrape and work for all the money I had to be yet taken away, ready to pass all of my oppourtunities and dreams away for this child that I wouldv'e had. For what in return? A painful childbirth, a crying kids for the next 18+ years of my life, the hardships. I was willing to risk EVERYTHING. To lay down my life to put MY wants and needs aside. And if I do get really get pregnant next time, I'll think absolutely the same thing. I'm ready to do it. My mother gave up her life, her potential for me why shouldn't I have to pay for my good times? As for guilt. What's there to be guilty for? Apparently you have no dignity or shame,especially since you decided to share you're nice little story with us; AND PEOPLE WITHOUT DIGNITY OR SHAME FEEL NO GUILT. I don't consider myself Christian I wasn't raised that way for fourteen years of my life and I assume it that way now, but I do have self worth and respect for myself and others. Do you think my mother wanted me? Initially yes she really did. I'm not going to parade my childhood problems around, it's weak. But I have to tell you with all of her faults she at least cared enough to have me. It's usually later on that people abuse and neglect their children. Usually the unwanted ones are the ones who are loved most. I'm so glad you made the rightdecision for YOU because after all you made it clear thats all that matters.

Posted by: Melanie at April 5, 2006 10:26 PM