On writing from the heart!

I may not "know," you, but what I do know I love. And your, "manifesto,"

I have spent the last few days thinking about the direction I want to take this blog. I have been thinking about what I want to post, the things I want to say, how I want to proceed. I have come to realize a few things about why I want to blog and why I actually do blog.

I have been online since 1998. Many changes have occurred in my life since then. There are days that I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize the woman that I see there. She doesn't even resemble the woman that stood there just a few years ago. I am not talking about physically either. I am talking about emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

I started blogging way before blogging was popular. I blogged in private. I used Blogger and uploaded to the domain I had at that time. Only a few people even knew that blog existed. I went public in November of 2003.

I never expected my blog to be anything than me talking out-loud. I have gotten quite personal here and have paid the price for it. There are people out there that think they know me from what I write. When, if the truth be known, not one of you truly knows me. I only let people see what I want them to see. My own family doesn't know me. You would think they would know me better than anyone. They think they do but they really have no clue.

I have let other people dictate "me" to me for far too long. I have tried to live up to the expectations of others all my life. I was the rough one, the tough one, and I behaved that way. I have put up a front most of my life. I have done things I am not proud of. I have been the sex pot, the party girl, the alcoholic, the drug addict, the abused kid, and battered woman. I have played every role that has been put in front of me and still no one truly knows me.

What do I want to do with this blog? Well, first and foremost, I want this blog to be honest. I want me to just be me ... the real me. The me that people don't see. The me that I keep hidden behind the front I put out. I am tired of living up to the expectations of others. I am tired of trying to make everyone happy and me ending up miserable.

Published today, reflects exactly what I feel. So you go! I will always read you with the same eye that you put on my blog, sometimes critical, sometimes in complete agreement, BUT ALWAYS supportive... It's like that between us.

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